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Name your Realm:
G of Uckyourself(realm G with added surname after highlands it lies on, to avoid mailing mistakes because there's also other realm called simply 'g')
Choose your Realms one area of focus: agriculture
Barracks (for housing soldiers):5%
Libraries (to learn):
Temples (for faith):
Farms (to produce food): 35%
Markets (for trade): 10%
Basically farms and trade network. Gold is good, war and science are for those girly nobles in big cities, far away from us.
Special buildings:
Sacrificial altar
'My momma kills a goat there from time to time, no idea why!'
Favored troop type (choose one): archers
'killing from safe distance is what honey bunnies like most, when their big guys come safely home' - G of Uckyourself general, long time ago
Religion type: polytheistic
Gods hate us. All temples be burned. The more angry you die, the more energy you will have in the spirit world to beat these a-holez.
Name your religion (if applicable): Tibi tibi shaka <which in their language means 'mind your own business'>
Primary characteristic of your gods: chaotic
YOUR gods not ours.
Describe your people: ANGRY!
('JUST LEAVE US ALONE!')
Describe your leadership style: iron-fisted
Hell yeah I tell my peasants where's their place brother!
Describe your realm's history: miserable
But then one day I came in the light of the mornin', and now it's being richest beach kingdom of them all, right?!
Lastly, choose one starting research project: Better roads
Bad roads. Slow merchants. Potatoes rot and dry on the way. Less potatoes. Bad. Good roads, yes!
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wersja dla polaków:
Do konca lipca trzeba wysłlac mi wiadomość z powtórką z mapki 'Medieval Battle Challenge' (w moim profilu). Tworzymy gre z botem. Oprocz tego, ze trzeba wygrać, trzeba rowniez stworzyc 1 duzy okret, 'uwolnic zakładników' (artylerie na tyłach), i przez cały czas trzymać wroga w odległości przynajmniej 3 od portów. WSZYSTKO TO w jak najszybszym czasie i w jak najmniejszych stratach (wzorek na rysunku wyżej). 2 najlepsze wyniki otrzymają po 100 unicoins.
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/tl;dr/
Rules are simple:
1) Open uniwar.
2) Find player: Angkor
3) Find a map "Medieval Battle Challenge"
4) Click a map -> new game
5) Player 1 is you, player 2 is bot. Unilady of your choosing.
6) You must win.
7) To win, you must:
a. Win.
b. Rescue both battery captives (called 'highborn')
c. Make a destroyer in your port (get money from cities aka. 'enemy encampment', east)
d. Throughout the game, the unilady enemy CANNOT be in distance 2 from your ports (must be at least 3)
 Count your rounds and casualties. Less of them = better.
9) Your score will be formed with the special formula (WARNING: number of rounds cannot be >20 )
10) 1st of August 2017, 0:00, two highest scores gets the 100 unicoins each.
11) In the map description I'll write 2 current records. If someone beats it after the deadline, I'll still write it there.
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/just some more commercials/
A PERFECT *10/10* HEARTBREAKING EXPERIENCE!
- NY Times, 1574
EVEN MY PRODUCTS CANNOT DO THAT!
- Steve Jobs (if he were still alive)
I HAD A DREAM... BUT THIS ONE IS... BETTER!
- Martin Luther King
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So the other day I was walking down the forest stream in the search of ancient civilisations, when suddenly the ground under my feet started to fall and I ended up in praehistorical cave. There, I found these pictograms. I hope our little archeological community will appreciate my this little discovery and cancel me that parking ticket after all...
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Wow momma look it's a good idea from the future!
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WHAT IS THIS?!
This is a new universal feature ('ability') for guardian specifically. It allows you to get rid of wounded guardians out of battlefield by blocking the base for one turn. At the beginning of new turn, you can see that guardian disappeared, and YOU gain additional 100/150 credits for spending.
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WHY WE NEED THIS:
+useless guardians with low hp will have some last mission to accomplish, forcing titan forces to change tactics for a few rounds
+trash sort = better, heathier enviroment
+this will help titans in both SvT and KvT combats
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WHAT WOULD NEED TO CHANGE:
- longer teleport reload (5-6 turns for guardian)
- (you can't return to the mothership when the teleport is reloading)
- probably a tiny tiny neft for guardian
ARE YOU WITH ME??!!
ARE YOU??!!
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 Awesome screenshot.
TEAM TITANS
Masteryoda – P0, C0, S11(+1), L1(+1)
Lodeous – P5(+2), C4, S4(+1), L1
Gr8m8 - P0, C1, S6(+1), L3(-1)
(deceased, RIP) Ennuigoblin
TEAM SAPIENS
Ballerheinz – P5(+3), C2, S4(+1), L2(-1) #BADGE: ADDICTED TO TITACIOUS
Mistercreepy – P0(0), C4, S0(0), L5(+1) #BADGE: PSYCHOPATH #BADGE: SCHIZOPHRENIC
Eikonoklastes – P1, C5(+1), S5(+2), L2(-1)
TEAM KHRALEANS
Bulldog60 – P3(+1), C3(+1), S7(+1), L1
Duaneski – P0, C10, S0, L1(+1)
Uw-sandman – P1, C3, S5(+1), L2
SINGLE MECENARIES
(new) Kohtar (khral) – P1, C4, S3, L2
Miamimoose (sap)– P2(+2), C3(-2), S0, L4(-1) #BADGE: TRAITOR
Sniggih (khral) – P3(+1), C3, S3(+1), L3
...I will update that post until the start of chapter 2. (<- did you mean that one ballerheinz?)
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The end of side mission.
/final outcome (additional):
BALLERHEINZ gains +2 prestige +1 strategy
MISTERCREEPY GAINS +1 luck
GR8M8 gains +1 strategy.
Ennuigoblin RIP
THE END OF CHAPTER 1
Thanks folks, so far great fun, for me at least!  we'll have now a brief intermission because there are few things that needs to be done before chapter 2. So we have a week or maybe two, feel free to play it here in that time if you want to.
Oh, I should probably update everyone's stats...
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Later that day, after sapiens victory:
BALLERHEINZ: @mistercreepy: We should really start an enterprise to sell titacious to the civilian world as well. Thankfully we've made some prisoners. Btw have your soldiers captured gr8m8? I couldn't find him.
MISTERCREEPY: no idea where he went...must have teleported away!
…everyone left. Mistercreepy stayed. For… like… 80 more rounds. With Helen and voices in his head…
MISTERCREEPY: Can I eat the corpses of these zombies?
MISTERCREEPY: I need to destroy the zombies!
/provoked event:/ The battle was won and the commands to gather troops was ordered a long time ago, but that didn't stop you from further killing captives and pillaging their abandoned bases. "Sir, it's time to stop... Let's go home.", said your sub-officer that day, but didn't get any formal answer. "MUST...DESTROY... THE ZOMBIES..." you kept murming with almost psychotic extasy in your eyes, with hands stained in blood or... oil. Everyone started to think you're mad. "It's probably that titacious drink, hell we better stay out of it..." they whispered. But it wasn't that. It was you all along, crazy and wild.
//outcome: MISTERCREEPY gains the super special PSYCHOPATH badge. Your prestige won't grow a bit as long as you 'have it', but from now on all generals will suffer severe penalties if they'll lose with you or retreat from the battlefield.
MISTERCREEPY: *eyes twitching involuntarily* where is the voice still coming from?! I can't find it!!!!!!!!!! I cannot give up!!!!!
MISTERCREEPY: I'm just paranoid. I've covered the whole map in units and I still can't find where the voices are coming from! I really need some ⤽ to check beneath the surface...
MISTERCREEPY: It's been over 100 days but still can't find the source of the voices. My credits are literally overflowing but I can't purchase a single unit. What can I do?!
/outcome/ MISTERCREEPY gains the 'SCHIZOPHRENIC' badge. Nobody actually knows if you're truly crazy, or just pretending. But they fear you. Your enemies, your allies, everyone. Your 'strategy' ability is set permanently at 0. All other players that share mission with you, allies included, will lose temporarily 3 strategy points because of morale drop.
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/final outcome for @ennuigoblin/ Who knew, eh? Gods are evil bastards, that sentence is as good for humans as for machines, apparently. You’ve taken the last final sip of pure substance, filled with enjoyment, ready for another challenging day of the battlefield, and then something went *CRACK*. Then you hit the floor, hearing one critical error message after another. Light and vision turns to endless series of zero and one, now meaningless… This is not good, you think, seems the brain processor starts to crash. So this i sit… death. Not so scary if you’re machine… And one final image, your ex-wifey. You see her perfectly, almost as she was really here. **Beatzch*, you think. And turn off.
ENNUIGOBLIN DIES.
MISTERCREEPY: *claps hands to ears* Holy shit, I killed all the spy helicopters but I can still hear THEIR VOICES! It must be an implant. Alright folks...time for the implants to come out.
BALLERHEINZ: Yeeeees more supplies of titacious and some titan prisoners for a continuous supply. If we find the leader we might be able to produce some "titacious royale"!
/outcome/ @Ballerheinz: you've become addicted to Titacious. That will help to boost your relations towards titan players, but could be used by your enemies somehow.
GR8M8: This is being easier than what I expected. Also, if I somehow lose this battle, I'll get my superiors to embargo titacious while the war is still on.
BALLERHEINZ: Laugh while you can. Soon you will produce titacious in one of my factories! Your superior has fled the battle. If we find him, he will produce titacious royale.
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/random event for @ennuigoblin:/ Your ex called again. *I heard you got drunk again and almost missed the war... See that’s EXACTLY why I left you. Grow up big guy, ugh, so many years ruined because of you... Mama warned me… Anyway, I called you to say it was me who saved your ass in the high command – I told my husband about it. And he’s the REAL man, not like you, so he did it, YOUR job. But it was the last time. I wan’t call again babe, it hurts too much… Byeee!* You’re not sure if you still love her, but you know two things for sure. One is that Lodeous guy stole your girl. Two – is that you can easily ruin his career with one phone call, everyone still love you there in officers quaters. Oh, and you surely gotta stop drinking, well, that makes it a third, probably…
ENNUIGOBLIN: pick my head up off the bathroom counter after a night of tying one off. Looking in the mirror, I see my unkept robot reflection and feel disgusted. Only one thing will fix this: Another Drink. I use my "30 days sober" AA chip and use it to pry open the medicine cabinet, and search for any alcoholic mouthwash I can gulp down.
/outcome for ennuigoblin/ This is a level-hard world we live on, and such a veteran as you learned that lesson a looong time ago. **tiny steps** you think, while putting your vacuum inhaler in a jar of drainpipe cleaner. So good… **tiny steps, yeah, that’s my new motto**, comes into your head. Forget about all this Lodeous guy business. First, the war to come. Sober up – later on…
# relations with lodeous didn’t change. Luck +1. Prestige -1.
…but sadly Gobbles were skipped by the vicious Uni-Lady called Helen (as for my personal beliefs the name Uni-Who… would fit better), numerous of times as he decided to suspend gaming for a time, so I kinda needed to throw him out of game. Probably permanently.
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…But the true outcome of that event was a discovery of titan pissing phenomenon. Soon the news spread. They’ll call it ‘TITACIOUS’ and dream a little dream about this new world’s miracle.
BALLERHEINZ: It's a good and refreshing drink and I believe it to be a great idea to let a robot drink his own refined pee. I don't know much about titan culture, but I'm eager to find out more through this little experiment.
MISTERCREEPY: Looks like a new craft beer to me! *Swipes urine drink, chugs, burps* Got any more??
/random event for: @Ballerheinz: / Just as you were to play that movie where you appear in 2 frames between 1:33:45 and 1:33:46 (again), you hear great many of voices of your troops coming down from outside the tent. **Can’t they give me break just for a minute??** you wonder and go outside. You see your companion Mistercreepy surrounded by a big circle of marines. *DO IT, DO IT!* they shout, as you stare in amaze. This guy just drank a whole bottle of titan piss!!! What… the… Then, they notice you. After a short silent stare *DO IT,DO IT* starts to sound with even more strength. Tough situation… If you quit, they’ll lose some interest of your command. If not… but… titan’s piss…?
BALLERHEINZ: Pahh in my young days as a marine I've had worse! Why it even might grow me those nice titan muscles! I'll empty the thing in one go.
/outcome for @Ballerheinz:/ As you sip the last drop, the troops Begin to shout your name with excitement and admiration. You’re the hero. The… Oh!!! Ugggh…! **What the hell is going on?** you think, feeling all dizzy and heavy. A day later you were told about things you were doing, totally drained out of consciousness. Sick things indeed, but hey, the fame and glory didn’t go anywhere. They said Mistercreepy felt just fine though… who knows, probably he vomitted it all or something. **I’ll remember it, you bastard…**
Ballerheinz: prestige +1, luck -1. Relations with mistercreepy -1.
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THE REPORT FROM THE CHAPTER 1 SIDE MISSION (2v2, THE TITACIOUS)
sapiens: ballerhein, mistercreepy
titans: ennuigoblin, gr8m8
/tl;dr/ - sapiens won. Turned out titans piss. Turned out their urine is delicious. Ballerheinz got addicted from it. Mistercreepy is crazy as hell. Gr8m8 had to play alone most of the time, managed to defend pretty well. Ennuigoblin liked the alcohol too much and died forever ever ever. RIP his character.
/full story/
Battle situation: MISTERCREEPY talked to Gr8M8 about a brief peace time to kill the scouting helicopters of mine.
/provoked event for @Gr8M8: / One of the sapien commanders approach you just after your pee-time outside battlefield. *Mistercreepy man, at your service* he says. Weird looking guy, with mad eyes and head covered in aluminum foil. *MAAAN, this is a conspiracy, don’t you see that?! The space super-aliens hang miles above us and wants to turn against each other man, brother against brother?! I don’t say make peace, allright, but here, puff some green with me. What you say dude, we kill these machines? A brief truce, huh?*
MISTERCREEPY: To clarify, this is double reinforced industrial grade aluminium foil. Five syllables in aluminium. *adjusts tricorner hat*
GR8M8: I don't negotiate with terrorists.
MISTERCREEPY: Terrorist? Where's the terrorist!! We gotta kill them first. Quick! Up there! In the helicopter!! The terrorists are using them to spy on us!
/outcome:/ @Gr8M8: As soon as weird sapien leader stopped talking, you decided that it’s best for your mental health to simply ignore him, so you wipe your infuser/extractor and leave, mumbling something about the terrorists. 5 minutes later one thought remains… *Dayumn, he was there all alone, we could just ambush him or whatever*… Next time that luck may not happen to you. @mistercreepy be happy **Well… at least he didn’t call the space-cops, man! If you know what I’m sayin’**
GR8M8 loses 1 luck. Mistercreepy gains +1 relations with GR8M8.
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UW-SANDMAN: It is embarrassing beyond all means that I am being forced to qualify this course again.. I INVENTED this course. I trained the cadre in all of our forces to TRAIN OTHERS in this course.. and yet.. Noone has shone above the rest. If I have to break down the wall again.. so be it. Quietly.. surely.. in the face of the abyss I will climb again. And those responsible for my downfall will regret the day I was crossed...
/sandman strikes Sniggih to gain glory and delay his opponent/
SNIGGIH won the race.
/outcome: SNIGGIH GAINS +1 STRATEGY for a victory. UW-SANDMAN GAINS +1 STRATEGY for a cunning move of treason. The RELATIONS between them are changed by -2 and they are NO LONGER able to be in the same alliance.
After the main event conceded, BULLDOG60, who is now the chief of alliance because of gained prestige, decided to
fire SNIGGIH out of KHRALEAN ALLIANCE!!!
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THE REPORT FROM THE CHAPTER 1 SIDE MISSION (1v1 khralean training)
It was a training race of who's gonna reach the spot first, you can see the replay.
### /random event for: @Sniggih/ . As you rest after all-night tough training in the khralean military campus, a ring calls. *Good afternoon, sire*, you hear the voice. *I am thereby to inform you, that the Highest Command has signed you to write a little speech for our little underling kindergarten, to boost the good spirits among our brave younglings. Something about why Khralean nation is the best in the universe, and that our enemies need to die. I’m sure that such a fame as you will handle it perfectly though…*
SNIGGIH: I WRITE FOR THEM AND IT SHALL READ: Gather, gather little Lings! Let us spread thy faithful plauge, that the great KHRALEAN brings! Grow strong and mighty, until enemy screams- then resurface, pounce, and feast on their brains!
/outcome/ The video of your speech goes viral, gods knows why, and the young khrals seem to love it. Soon once again the posters of your gladiator’s past are held in local nest and hives, and sometimes even you’re lucky enough to get some free drinks. SNIGGIH gains 1 PRESTIGE.
### /provoked event for @UW-Sandman as he was losing the race/ Day after day in this queen bee’s forsaken camp. Hardly anyone to talk to… even that famous gladiator bastard is ignoring you. **The new hope… for steroid companies maybe, not our glorious nation** you think that morning. And after that, when you asked how’s he going, and he just went *Oh not much, lots of training, terribly busy*? Busy my arse… That evening you saw the little speech of… that pathetic creature. That was too much. No wonder that when today your supreme officer told you that you’re probably gonna lose this match, something broke inside you. But… maybe if you could strike his bases, making it a little more difficult for him to win? MAYBE it’s not about that stupid test at all, maybe they just check which of you has it, that madness which can lead our troops to final victory…?
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/provoked event for Bulldog60/ *Lieutenant, how’s the great Sapiens Supper preparations are going?*, you ask your keen soldier. *Great sire, humans are easy and delicious. Morales are high, aye aye, thank you for taking us to this war, may the Queen Bee bless you with many many lings!*. Everything seems to go so well. Yet one thing can’t give you proper sleep. One night, you stare with your infravision eyes over the titan frontline. **Mmmh, they regrouped. What a brilliant pieces of metal sług scumbags... We need to do that as well, hope that Duaneski guy agrees… If not, maybe it’s good to use some force? Hell, they’d give me a medal for that!**
/outcome: khraleans manage to mirror titan’s strategy and switch bases, but are interrupted by Lodeous in the process, which results in losing all the premium points from that success…
THE END OF CHAPTER 1 MAIN MISSION
/FINAL outcome (additional).
LODEOUS GAINS +1 PRESTIGE, +1 STRATEGY , MASTERYODA GAINS +1 STRATEGY, +1 LUCK
BULLDOG60 gains +1 prestige +1 strategy, DUANESKI gains +1 luck.
EIKONOKLASTES gains +2 strategy, -1 luck.
MIAMIMOOSE IS FIRED OUT OF SAPIENS ALLIANCE. HE GETS +2 PRESTIGE -1 LUCK -2 CHARISMA
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